I Have a Slight Obsession with Emoticons.

As you may (or may not) have noticed from my entries, I love to use emoticons.
Here is what I think the emoticons SHOULD say:

:) I'm happy but my mouth is huge

:D I need to breathe, but happily!

:P I have a lump growing on my lip. I may need medical help.

:O GASP!

:3 I'm a cat! Or I have a butt as a mouth.

;) I have candy and a puppy in my van, children...

<3 Some number is less than 3.


Here are a few that aren't as common:

:I Chewing gum, or holding my breath.

D: I'm a rebel because I face the opposite way!

\(.:.....:.)/ RAWR! I'm a scary monster!!!

:0:::( I have a  runny nose.

:0:::::::::::::( I have an EXTREMELY runny nose.

#!?:[ Bad hair day, much?

:{D I have grown a mustache!

:O iiiiii Happy birthday! I also want to eat some candles....

::) I have new glasses! Or I am an alien mutant.

~D| This is what I need in the morning.

==[:)~ Abe Lincoln
($_$) I love money so much, I've decided to stick dollars bills into my eye sockets.

Have fun using one of those ^ in your blog! ;) (And no...I am not luring in little kids in my spare time...or am I?)

EEEEEVILLLL

EEEEEVILLLL

All cute things are evil. That's a fact. The little puppy who chews up your favorite pair of shoes, the kitten who murders your sofa, the rabbit who poops in your lap. Cute....but EVIL.

 It's like when you see a little girl who's like

and then she starts gnawing on your finger to try to hurt you because she wants to give Barbie a haircut but you remind her that Barbie is for everybody at the camp to play with and she starts to bawl and decides that she has a craving for human flesh and tries to bite you to let out her anger and everyone is staring at you and you don't think you will ever be able to volunteer at this camp again and your skin is covered in child saliva and this sentence is getting kinda long so I'll stop now.



Little kids are soul eaters. They lure you in with cuteness and somehow manage to get you to agree to something. It's just like that time when my cousin's child lured me into climbing on top this huge rock to get a scrap of cardboard he saw on top of it. This was not any particular rock... it was the rock that was more like a rock on steroids.

"PLEASE climb that rock," he begged.

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No. I'll die or something."

"THEN GO DIE! I WANT MY CARDBOARD!"

Then, he bursted into tears and everybody thought that I was a horrible person who fed off of others' pain (which I am). I had no choice but to climb it. Of course, based on my natural clumsiness, I manage to fall and break my wrist. As I was getting a cast at the hospital, he happily said "Thanks!" and inside, I was like "O_O"

I SAW A MONK IN COSTCO!

Today I was shopping at Costco when suddenly, I saw a bald man in a burnt sienna and orange robe like thing with flip-flops in the middle of winter. I've seen pictures with monks in them but I had never seen one in real life. I decided it was my chance to talk to a real, living, breathing, BALD MAN IN A ROBE!

Me: Hi! Are you a monk?

Monk: Are there four seasons on Earth? Does the sun set everyday?

Me: I'm guessing that's a yes? Anyway, what you doing at Costco? Aren't you supposed to be on a strict diet or something?

Monk: Not really.

Me: Aw... you're not cool dude. You're normal!

Then. I walk quickly away and hope his magical monk powers don't create a ravenous dragon-beast to chase after me.

I Love Happy Sheep!

I Love Happy Sheep!

I am currently watching some Chinese show about some fairly civilized sheep who get captured by a wolf with mental issues and his abusive wife who has a love for frying pans. It's called (English translation): Happy Goat and Big Big Wolf. I really have a problem with this translation. For one thing, I'm pretty sure these things are sheep, not goats.

=

Secondly, "Big Big Wolf"? The wolves are the same size as the sheep/goats/mammals/animals/organisms.



There is this really lazy sheep (I've decided I'm going with sheep) that I admit is pretty adorable...except for one thing. The wool on its head is shaped like a giant crap. That is all. Look for yourself:



So I have created a new name for this show. I present to you Crappy Sheep and Dumb Dumb Wolf. I also call it Fairly Civilized Sheep (and One of Them Has a Turd on its Head) Who Get Captured By a Wolf but Always Manage to Escape Because the Wolf is an Idiot and Because This is a Children's Show Which Means That the Good Guys Always Win and Boy People Are Going To Have a Hard Time Telling Others What They're Watching. Much more acurate isn't it?

There's an Alien On My Face.

I woke up today and I found a THING growing on my face. It is basically a small bump on my eyelid. I feel as though this "zit" is a rebel and and wanted to be different from any other...so he/she/it/heshe chose to grow on my eye. Or maybe it was trying to find my face but he was drunk or something and wound up somewhere else.

Alas, this thing is really nasty looking so I have a few methods to try to solve my problem:

1.Wear a cool hat.

Who doesn't like hats? Especially if they're tall and made out of fruit. Everyone will be distracted from my eye.

2. Wear sunglasses.

I don't think this will work that well since it's the middle of winter and it has been snowing nonstop.

3. Wear an eyepatch.

This will only work if I turn into a pirate.

4. Continously hammer at my eyelid.

One word: OUCH!

5.Cover my eye with my hair.

This will make me look emo.

6. Eat some pie.

This is my best solution yet.

I'm MELTINGGGGGG!

Today I realized how much I hate the sun. I was going online, enjoy my day when BAM! The sun decides to direct its cruel rays right onto my computer screen. Not being able to see my screen wasn't good enough for the sun though. It had to reflect off of it into my eyes! I tried moving the monitor but it still seemed like I was staring straight at the sun.

Pretty soon, my half blinded eyes started seeing a rabid dinosaur-llama or something. Now that I think about it, the sun is an important thing. Without it we'd all be plunged into a nuclear winter and freeze of death...or get eaten by dinosaur-llamas...maybe even lizard-alpacas? Whatever happens, it'll be the end of the world.